The song of the me that is now

Complexity in it's heart

Feelings alive, once past

Age being a vehicle for spirit

Igniting in something sweet

Even still

Something to offer

After seasons of desert hunger

the burn now lends it's way to the after

Something sweet, even past this

But what becomes of this pattern

What is highlighted in the now I offer?

Not anything of habitual newness

Instead sweet listening ear

Insightful depth

Bright hope

I can not imagine something more

Although imagining has it's place

Teacher come and spark this light

Learned to learn

Then to unlearn

Father come and set it it square

Walk earnestly, eagerly

Even if it is misplaced

Courage In Grief

I called you brave

you laughed and said bravery has nothing to do with it

you were right right to speak it out loud

I called you brave out of awe of something I spotted in you that I fail to see in myself

Maybe it is less bravery than the ability to put on a brave face

Your character, always with joke ready to lighten the room

your eyes, always bright and bold, flashing with wit, never cloudy

It is a trait within a family that I never quite had

I remember feeling less than brave

I was simply afraid

Did I greet you at the receiving line with a smile?

I barely remember a receiving line, but if there was one,

I was only there with tear stained cheeks and eyes down

I called you honorable , ‘the honorable daughter’

you laughed and said you had no choice

you were right,

you said so because we were close enough to be bold

I called you honorable watching you attend to her so affectionately

even in those final sacred moments when death is in the room

maybe it was less honorable than honoring

maybe it was just out of a deep deep love

but you made her death humane, even beautiful

I remember feeling so afraid

afraid of the hospital room, the noises, but mostly afraid of her being sick

I remember everything I did not do, the times I was not there to attend to her

I wish I could have been more like you

more free with my affection, even when deeply afraid

I know I was there for her in many ways but the moments I was not

play over and over

Courageous, honorable, strong, and brave

all words I never felt I was

not in the middle of the night, tears, salted, mixing into warm bath water

countless nights spent with grief seeping out in those baths

my guess is you feel less than those things now

my guess is those words are not what you see inside

when you muster up the strength to even start to look

but, oh still, I see courage in your grief!

Choose Civility (A Street Art Campaign in the making)

Apparently in Howard County, MA they are Choosing Civility.

Which as far as I am concerned is pretty cool.

All it took was the library, friends of the county, and local colleges to agree to start a campaign. Some bumper stickers and a few meetings later...
Civility was adopted. That simple.

Here are the 15 principles of Civility that the county is adopting (from the book
Choosing Civility: The 25 Rules of Considerate Conduct).

• Pay attention
• Listen
• Speak kindly
• Assume the best
• Respect others' opinions
• Respect other people's time and space
• Be inclusive
• Acknowledge others
• Accept and give praise
• Apologize earnestly
• Assert yourself
• Take responsibility
• Accept and give constructive criticism
• Refrain from idle complaints
• Be a considerate guest

I laugh at the quote from their website:
"While Howard County aims to enhance its own quality of life through Choose Civility, the initiative is benefitting communities in the region and beyond, as others are inspired to implement similar initiatives."

Apparently they can share in Howard County too.

So, I just decided I am going to CHOOSE CIVILITY too.
But I kind of see more of a graffiti effort here in Houston.
If you see street art with "Choose Civility" you'll know I've been busy.

The part that was too painful to share

There is this part

The part that was too painful to share

So I held it here, just here, in my tight hands

And it melted down to my belly round

(pain sits in your belly if you do not share)

So I held this part and it was dark

That part, was the darkest part so far

And I tried to push and it wouldn't move

I tried to speak and you couldn't hear

So I kept that part

And the darkest part was the strangest part

And the hardest part was too much,

Much too much to share

So I kept it here

I'm sorry, but I kept it here

And that part is round and it keeps things in

It keeps me from all kinds of things

And I cry at night sometimes

Replaying, just that small part

Like you recorded that part

And I try to push and I try to speak

But that part is hard so I grunt and scream

And they mess with me

Stop f***ing messing with me

Let me feel this part