Parenting them like they are the hero/ heroine in the story of their life

Laura Burlton Photography

I was thinking the other day that my daughter would make an incredible character in a novel.  She has the strength to pull off some complicated story lines and I have this feeling that the story of her life will be quite the rich, beautifully told tale.  As I had this thought, however, I realized the truth is it would be much easier to parent a child with a short, simple story. You know, 15-20 pages of something like "Her mom asked her to go make her breakfast and get ready for school and ... she did".

But is that really what I want for her?  Is that really the story I want for her life? Is that what I see in her as her biggest, best told tale?

And then it occurred to me that most of us parent like we want the short, simple version of a story to play out for our children. We don't realize, because we are too close to the moment to moment parts of the story, that what will make their story divine and magical is all the stuff we ultimately would rather spare them from or not have to deal with. We don't parent our children like we want them to be the hero / heroine of their own story.

If I want my daughter to be the heroine in her story and I am guiding her towards that end, I will parent from a much different perspective, a perspective that is further away, not quite as up close as we tend to be in this relationships defined by overseeing every detail of their carefully orchestrated lives.  This perspective is actually much more similar to how God views us.  His perspective (on the mountain top, looking down) is clearly that we are truly beautiful, the best part of His story written yet. He allows us to play out our story knowing that He is so heavily invested in it and so fully and beautifully intertwined we can not escape Him and His story for us no matter how hard we try.  He can allow our story to unfold however it will because He knows that His love and hold on us is inescapable.

Somehow the idea of placing my child as the heroine in her story allows me to see her with His perspective and allows me to hold her (ie: parent her), while holding her loosely.  It allows me to loosen my grasp on her because I know that His grasp on her story is so clearly defined.  And even further, I can begin to teach her, as her story unfolds, that she is writing it as she goes.  It allows me to give her the tools to begin to craft the story of her life where she is indeed the heroine.  In charge of following her path, listening to His guidance, capable yet likely to make the wrong turn at times.  Parenting from this perspective allows me in turn to show her that exact perspective.  It allows me to see her and to teach her to see herself and others from His perspective.

After all, the best gift from mother to child is to really, deeply, see them.

happy day of your birth

My daughter is 11 years old today.
(breathing it in)

Everyone always says it goes fast, but that doesn't make it less true. I remember the day she was born like it was yesterday. Precious thing born almost a month early, a gentle reminder from Father that I wasn't in control of this life He was delivering into my arms.  A tiny screaming sweet smelling rose (Rose is her middle name, after my mom), she was born right after the death of my mother and I always say I had a crash course in what "mom" means during that bitter sweet season of my life. Having the rug of my mom's life pulled and the inception of this life altering relationship of daughter within a month.

I used to look at her as an infant, and I swore I could see what she would be like when she was grown up.  Now, thinking back, I am pretty sure she looks and 'is' what I had imagined. Always trust your gut and mine is strong with her, to be sure.  Who is she? If you have had a glimpse of what makes her special, trust me, there is more than you have seen.  She has always been just what she is. The parts that were difficult are also the parts that are wondrous.  I do hope I have made room and allowed what is amazing in her to grow to it's biggest and best, but these parts of her were there from the start. Gifts of a true voice. Gifts of true beauty (inside and out). What will she say and do with these gifts? I have caught a glimpse and I can't quite wait to see what it becomes!

She is my barometer, picking up whatever is in the room.  Sometimes this is good in the case of information, knowledge, getting a feeling for something.  But sometimes it is difficult for her. It was certainly difficult for her as a small child, she would melt down after a brief time in an overstimulating environment. But now, all of what she has absorbed comes out in the most unexpected and overwhelmingly beautiful ways. She was never a "dreamy" child, like me, she always was exceptionally aware.

I always said my job as a mom was to keep my children as close to the fully intact personalities that were given to me by God as possible.... delivered unscathed into adulthood.
I wish I could say I have done this well.  I realize now it was an insanely impossible task for a person to accomplish.  But I keep trying. I will never give up on her.

Oh how I love her.
If you could see inside my heart and understand the love from this mother to this daughter.
every. single. freckle.
Pure Joy.

And I must say, I also like her, she is one of my favorite people to hang out with. Every single developmental phase of hers has been my favorite.
So now, 11 year old Astrid, waiting to explore what it is to become a women... is my favorite. 

Portrait of a child finding her voice

A portrait done in edited strokes

Looping her with shadow

Framing her in glow

Tinting, highlighting, neutralizing

Child, for this moment you are not growing

In image and word you stop

You still yield

Like beeswax warmed in your palm

Still so close to Him

But a growing capsule of His expression

In outbreak

Your words

Crisper than an adults

Your voice arriving, high-pitched

Insistant

If I could wash the light over your eyes, I would

But you will be:

Hurt by this world

Hurt by me

Separated from Him

I will listen to your intone

And hope that you know

that you are also:

Firmly, consistently, eternally loved

And tenderly heard