Christmas Eve Conversation

me -

I don't feel like celebrating! I don't feel like singing songs and hearing stories of redemption. What about my redemption? What about redemption for my family? What about redemption for my marriage?

bigG-

I told you... I am working on it.

me-

But I am so tired. I am worn out. I can not do it any longer. Why can't redemption come now? I did everything you asked. Except.. well, that, that, that.. I am working on, I am planning on it.

bigG-

Why not now?

me-

too hard, too much all at once. And I am so hurt, and he...

bigG-

I am not asking you to trust him, I am asking you to trust me.

me-

I know. But you expect... everything... it is so hard.

bigG-

It is so hard? And this is easy?

me-

No this is TOO hard. I can not stand it.

bigG-

So why not now?

me-

OK... tell me the story again. The one about redemption. I am listening.

"Flat Living"s Favorite Things

OK my whirlwind shopping and Christmas preparation is almost over already. Never underestimate the power of a good list.

Handmade being high in priority and fair trade... I feel like I get better every year with reaching these goals. Hand made is becoming popular, more accessible and more people are offering alternatives to mass production... plus I just accumulate favorites as I seek it more and more.


Here are some of my favorite things ... just for fun!

• "Simple" shoes for Gus (I have some of their tennis shoes and love them) and I was looking for some really comfy shoes for my dad... and I stumbled upon a special "black friday" special for every Friday of the month. It was not black Friday... it was yesterday... and it offered over 50% off these shoes for Gus. They also offered free shipping so for exactly $11.76 I got the cutest little shoes for his cutest little piggies.
  
• I also got the most amazing toy for him. A wooden personalized cell phone from Etsy from a shop called Kinderhaus toys. It has "Hello Gus" written inside.
  
• Guitar Pick for James from Etsy. Engraved with the words "FATAL DESIRE" (his metal band said with serious attitude). And as James says... it is not just the band it is a saying... like "That is so Fatal Desire" meaning? Not sure? This will make James happy... that I am sure of.
  
• Toms shoes for Vyk. They have a holiday campaign called ONE for ONE For every pair you buy they give a pair to a child in Ethiopia. And, happily Vyk has wanted a pair and never gotten them. Simple black slip on shoes are exactly my hubbies style.
  
• The Voice new testament for my dad... gotta plug the pastor's/ editor bestest friend's merch. My dad loves the bible and it is fun to talk over the project with him after he reads it and has opinions to share. I am also getting him some handcrafted SAS shoes to help him not fall.
  
• For Astrid who wanted a lockable journal and a kids craft book. I was happy to find the perfect version of both with this and this at Olympia Books. Olympia books is quite possibly the coolest. They were right in the forefront of handmade and really too cool for me... but not for Astrid.
• And my absolute favorite gift to receive. I have gotten this gift 2 years straight from hubbie. My favorite artist in the form of a yearly calendar... Nikki McClure. Plus I got a bunch of her books for "Gus"/ me to read to Gus.
  

He put a new song in my mouth

“Have Yourself a Peace and Justice Christmas” (to the tune of "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas”). Thanks Soujourners!

Have Yourself a Peace and Justice Christmas

Have yourself a peace and justice Christmas,
Set your heart a-right.
Flee the malls and focus on Christ’s guiding light.

Have yourself a peace and justice Christmas,
Give your time a way.
Share God’s love, And serve “the least of these” today.

Here we are, as we pray for peace,
We’ll live simply and give more.
We care for those far and near to us,
Which brings cheer to us, once more.

God brings down
The haughty from high places,
And lifts up the low.
God cares for the hungry and the humble, so –
Forget the stress and let the peace and justice flow!

"This The Season"

So. I have been in a sickness induced fog and as I surface ... Christmas is upon us. Generally my family fully embraces the entire advent season and we wait in anticipation... but this year... it snuck up on us! Even the snow last week just brought about more sickness after the rejoicing. And I am really unprepared.

I guess in away it is good. Because there has been no Christmas induced stress. I have not seen the inside of a mall or for that matter a store. BUT I was not able to make it to my 2 favorite shopping events for hand made / artisan crafted/ fair trade gifts either.

For Christmas we have already gone pretty "flat" year to year. The tradition is simple and balanced and healthy and we do not spend too much or stress too much.
I have been convicted to just make it as fun and magical as possible while balancing budget and being a "green nazi"

Here is a great article from health in high heels and the note from her daughter pretty much sums it up. We have to be careful in our attempt to celebrate differently to still celebrate.

I feel a bit sorry for my kids who have a slightly embittered environmentalist mother who tells them, "NO! We're not killing a tree! "Wrapping paper is a waste! People spend so much money buying junk and the world doesn't need all that waste! Don't even get me started on the toxicity of candy canes and gingerbread and CHOCOLATES!" Well, I'm not sure what the world needs, but I know it certainly doesn't need a crabby old boot for a mother, either! There's a boundary between eco-living and eco-terrorism. I didn't realize that my rantings were coming off with negativity, until my daughter wrote me this on a piece of colored stationery:

Dear Mom

i Like Crismas

I know

youdo not Like

Crismas but

I do.

I want

for crismas:

a momtobe

Happy

Love: yor Gril

So while that is the don't ... Here are my dos:

• Firstly and probably the best thing I do... I do not shop until AFTER black Friday or as some of us like to call it "No Shopping Day". I know a lot of people shop early and avoid the "shopping" season entirely... but I find if I shop early I spend more than I should. And it is not like I stop early if I start early... I just keep shopping.
  
• We make a list and check it twice... Otherwise known as a budget. We know what we have to spend and we spend that... figuring out how to adapt the list to the $ we have.
  
• We pay cash and do not charge. No January bill to threaten our after holiday spirit.
  
• We buy a tree very close to Christmas Eve (when they are massively reduced) and decorate for Christmas Eve and do not take down everything until Epiphany. We will buy a live tree this year. I go back and forth between recycling a cut tree and buying a live tree... the live tree generally dies anyway... hence the dilemma. I also have a great trick that is stylish and free... I ask the people who trim the tree for any scraps and usually can take as much as I want.. these limbs are great to decorate with.
  
• I shop handmade first, used second, and steer clear of anything made in China.
  Electronics are a big one.. this year for instance we are getting Astrid a IPod shuffle that has been refurbished which cuts back on the fact that buying electronics is pretty bad for the environment... and it is $10 cheaper. All of the clothes we buy for Christmas as gifts or seasonal dressing are used and have been for a couple years now. It really adds up in a lot of ways... and you avoid stores during the holidays which helps with stress & $.
  
• For wrapping paper I usually indulge in one "pretty" roll of wrapping paper and also buy one roll of recycled craft paper which Astrid and I decorate with printed pictures, stamps, etc... whatever the theme/ colors are for the year.
  

I am scarily behind on my shopping and even planning. I have literally purchased 2 gifts...
1.) For James - a silver guitar pick with "Fatal Desire" from Etsy.
2.) For Astrid- the refurbished IPod with the engraving "Rose Petal Girl"

I have also worked on remaking a label for Vanilla & Cinnamon Agave Nectar. I got the idea from a free site called the toymaker (free paper toys in case you need some fun stuff for stockings) and recreated a Vanilla Sugar label to read "Agave".
I just purchased a big thing of agave and I am going to purchase small squeeze bottles to label and place agave with cinnamon and vanilla beans to infuse for a yummy treat to cook or sweeten warm winter beverages. This is the gift this year for all of the people I want to give "something" to to show that I love them.

And of course "Living Water Bottles" will be in stockings, with gifts, and on their own.
The kids did a great job this year and I barely got the project finished because of how sick I have been. But they are done! These bottles are made to let friends and family know that we choose to give to living water as part of our giving. It is part of advent conspiracy.

So since Christmas is 10 days away I better get off of here and get onto my planning and executing. Wish me luck and may your season be super bright!

The ER Visit RANT -part 2

So... after that enormous rant... it was not really over.

See... about a week after the visit Astrid & Gus both started having sniffles and then a cough. No big deal. Then the Wednesday night before Thanksgiving as I was getting everything perfect and the kids were sleeping... Astrid woke up and said she could not breathe. She started throwing up and it was really scary! I tried to keep her calm... she was breathing... just really afraid and I think her throat kind of felt like it was closing up. I got her to go into the bathroom to breathe steam and she threw up some more. Her fever started to climb. And she soon had a high fever over 102. I gave her water and soon she had calmed down and slowly went back to sleep.
She calmed down but I felt uneasy. I had had RSV symptoms drilled down my throat from Gus' stay in the NICU. Plus his lungs were not fully developed when he was born which put him at higher risk. I had heard horror stories of RSV causing young babies to not breathe and weeks and months in Texas Childrens because of it. When we had taken the infant CPR class the instructor had told us that RSV causes a mucus plug to form and that plug in older kids can be coughed up or thrown up but in tiny babies they can not and this is what causes them to stop breathing.

I had this feeling... deep inside. My kids were sick, but it was no ordinary cold or flu.
Sure enough on Thanksgiving day... Astrid's temp climbed to over 103 and Gus just still had a cough and started sounding a little "rattley". I did what is very uncharacteristic of me... I took my kids to the doc. I mean I do take my kids to the doc... but not unless they are really sick and not with a virus. I have a motto... "The less I take them to the doc the less they are sick" and it is true.

When we walked into the docs office I told her about the ER and I told her about my kids symptoms and I told her I thought that it might be RSV. She went ahead and swabbed Gus' nostrels. Astrid's lungs were good, Gus had a rattle. He had RSV.
I said "I knew it" almost in a happy way.... which I guess was weird. But I just was happy that I trusted my instincts and acted on them. I knew my kids were very sick.

Gus was sent home with a breathing treatment (Albuteral) and Astrid was sent home with some ways to make her more comfortable as she got well. She told me what to look for as far as Gus... when not breathing from the virus (normal) becomes not getting enough oxygen and requires emergency care.

He has been fine... it has been just over a week and he hardly needs the breathing treatments. Neither of them ever developed any infections... no bronchitis or pneumonia. We are very lucky and very blessed. I have it now... but it is not a big deal with adults... usually not as bad as the flu. I would call it cold like.

But it could have been much worse. RSV can make children stop breathing or easily hospitalize them... esp very young kids under a year. And all of this from visiting the ER. I know that is where we caught it. The symptoms fit the incubation period perfectly. And even after the diagnoses... the doc said she would still take her kids to Texas Childrens over other hospitals. I ask again... REALLY? This is the best we can do? Am I wrong in thinking it could be/ should be better? What are we really talking about here...

1. That people (all people) should be able to get adequate health care... esp for their kids.
   
2. That an ER should be more about the care of people then checking them in and running them through.
   
3. That kids who are showing signs of communicable disease should not be placed next to kids who are healthy or for that matter sick.
   
4. That people who are attending to the sick as they wait should be courteous, caring, and compassionate... instead of jaded, cold, and bureaucratic.
   
5. That there should never be a back log on a week night that looks like a war zone.
6. That only people with actual emergencies would have to go to emergency rooms... not people who have no other option to care for their kids.
   

Too much to ask? I do not think so! This is the state of our "health care" (even does not do a good job of bringing health or caring for us) system and it will only get worse until it is fixed.
It will effect more and more of us. More and more of the small percentage of people who are isolated from it like me. Until we get tired of it and decided we want something more.